Amol was a week shy of 27 years when he became a Dad.Between a post Partum depression riddled wife and warring cross cultural grandparents Amol had to hold fort. And boy ! He trumped it by doing what he does best ie Nothing at all. His principle in life- this too shall pass.
A 100 days later the still crazy wife wanted to join work , partly to keep the term of postgraduation and largely because she realised that oxytocin driven happiness of motherhood is so overrated
The result-
Our man, new Daddy had to ferry expressed breast milk across a river , hills and valleys (GMC -Mapusa)twice a day . I have stretch marks and a cesarean scar to show and collect parenting brownie points. Amol never complained or got compensated for this task. He made everything look so easy. I never once asked him how bad his combo parenting - postgraduation deal was, all the while unrelentingly complaining about mine.
A year later we had to move cities to get further qualified with a toddler and a know nothing about homemaking us. Teething troubles ranged from apnoeic spells turning Adi cyanosed to green diarrhoea that lasted forever and a temperamental help, Amol kept us anchored - His bulk helping
Besides the 2.5 year old, he had the 25 year old to nurture. My career dreams ignited , fanned and finally fired landed us in Trivandrum. My DM voyage in the ISRO city was like a missile.. too much heat, hype and hmmph but so worth it ( at least for me) I took off and Amol bore the brunt He sang cartoon songs to get food into the preschooler , toilet trained him ,packed my tiffin in the mornings and thousands of things which I didn’t notice and now not remember . Along the way he became a nephrologist too.
Adi n Amol returned to Goa 18 months before I could. Amol now had a dual dad role to play. A real dad and a dad who reports to the hypercritical hyperventilating mom . Probably the toughest . Amol hardly got any credit for this tough job
I joined them and we lived and grew together as parents and partners like most . On most days I pull feminism card, mom card, “abla nari “ card to get things going at home. Amol has zilch in his arsenal. Just the good old solid Dad. He believes most things will sort out if we kept wet towels off the bed and put the shoes away. Such is the Daddy faith ha!
I even added pets ranging from bunnies, ducks (destroys all vegetation lovingly cultivated) turtle ( that eats all the fishes) fish ( that are added in vain hope) gate jumping dogs - (a motorised gate made useless) murderous rooster -(attacks all creatures moving)to our menagerie . I am the animal lover but our eccentric furry , feathered n finned creatures exasperate me but Amol plays a loving Dad to all creatures. Walk through the gates of Modakam and there is a Dad who will love you to the end of the earth
Dads have traditionally evolved from grunts and shoulder nudges . And they don’t have hormones to stir up the parenting emotions And yet in current times with changing social dynamics of career and home gender equality with no past examples Amol has done so well .
This Father’s Day , Amol, I want to sit up and take notice, complain less and appreciate more what a wonderful job you are doing
