While I had serious trouble unhooking the umbilical ties in the first sem, I
braved to cut it completely in the 2 sem," one fell swoop". Whoosh. Clean cut.
It bled a bit, hurt lots but now I am a healed person. Person. No longer always
worried but always right Amma. What led to this small step resulting in a giant
leap for my mental peace are the following series of events While we parted at
Chandigarh airport, Adi to IITB to start 2sem and us to Goa to continue long
distance parenting for yet another sem, our flight was called first. Amol and me
dragged our feet to the tarmac while turning back till you can see him no more.
And Adi put back his head phones on his ears and turned his attention to the
phone even before I had peeled away from the "last hug before we leave" And I am
the SRK "dekha na piche mud ke" kinda girl.I was so heart broken.❤️🩹😭💔 I must
have called Adi a minimum of 1000 times in the 1 sem but not once there was a
call from him. When I brought this up with him,(secretly hoping for some praise
about my flawless long distance parenting that left my kiddo not wanting for
anything) the answer from him was that I never gave him a chance to miss him. A
wise mother of 3, adviced me to give him a chance to miss me aka "Dont call him"
. What transpired was 240 agonising hours and still no call from him. Not the
one to give in, I texted him to call me( technically it still counts as not
calling) . I launched a full blown emotional monologue at the unsuspecting boy.
😤For A boy who has survived JEE preps, who can face 200 minutes of grilling by
13 members interview board for a convenor post of a non academic club, this was
chicken shit. 🐔🐔I could flap my mad mama hen wings all I wanted, my son's
Buddha predisposition just got steelier.🧘♂️📿 Amol intervened and extracted once
a week phone call from him and I retreated sore and hurt. I was so hurt that I
wanted to write a guidebook(blog for now) for mothers like me. As part of
research, I spoke to many mothers who like me had boys and had sent them away to
study/work. Following are the insights that I gained in these interviews. - 💡No
boy calls back home voluntarily just to say he is OK - No boy calls back as long
as he is comfortable. Hostel friends,food,monthly money allowances,unlimited
data provided in campus keeps them happily ensconsed. - If there is a call,
they need something-it could be money,pep talk when they have hit a
low(Hey,Parents are still their biggest cheerleaders and are insanely proud of
their offspring) - They also call to give some good news about their
achievements(Everyday phenomenal is only for Maniacs so these calls are as rare
as a meteor shower and equally spectacularly etched in moms memory) - If the
parents make a visit to check on the ward they are always busy and if lucky, can
clear 15 minutes from their schedule(Interwing Hostel cricket match was 1 ward's
excuse for not meeting parents who had travelled 20 hours) -We always had early
morning flights to Mumbai and my son's excuse for not being excited to meet us
was,"it is too early in the day to be fully awake", not accounting for the fact
that grandma fried fish was reheated by Amol at 3am in the morning to reach
crisp at 7:45am , 2 taxi rides and a flight away and in time before the 8:00am
lecture. I texted him a day in advance for the next visit to fake excitement.
Afterall I was from the,"pal bhar ke liye koi hame pyaar karle; Jootha hi sahi"
school of parenting. - They are capable of walking to the ends of earth to do
stuff that matters to them but a simple task that the parent has asked them to
do will not be done(Mine can spin sonnets but will not send a text acknowledging
receipt of Modakam Mankurad mangoes hand delivered across 600kms, passed across
6 hands and God knows how many favours Amol had to ask to get this done. When I
waited fuming for a couple of days at this ingratitude, only the summer
temperatures in Goa soared. English writing section, one had to thank uncle for
the gift he had sent, in 50 words for informal letter writing.When I brought
this up, he said that this part was axed from his English syllabus. Lame. -
Giving them their space and not asking too many prying questions(I can fire 100
questions a minute) makes phone calls super pleasant. - A call or a text from
Adi has me upbeat with a song on my lips, and a spring in my step. He always
makes my day.C'est la vie. Weird but true. Finally the Bodhi moment was when I
heard this 🌳 - A parent needs to cut off the ties for the boy to become the Man
he is meant to be.Now this was a new perspective from an experienced long
distance parent.She added that once they become the adult they have set out to
be, they reconnect. Before I burst with excitement the fine print read, not to
expect this for a decade at least. So as I take the curtain call to this Act of
parenting, I would like to thank all the moms who have listened to my ranting,
had my back and thrown in some hugs. Also a shout out to our tribe that mothers,
sometimes smothers and mostly just endures.
