I am part of a laterite house “ Modakam”in a coastal village in Goa. When I was cut out of my quarry in Ratnagiri I was promised a young family with lots of love and laughter. And so the narrative begins
Characters of the play
- Lady of the house - impulsive, helicopter mom
- Man of the house- compulsive solution provider, the solid anchor
- Child- Zen Admiral by birth , toyed with stick-string-stone and read books to breathe
- Boomer - An adorable tux wearing cocker spaniel , Oxford’s PhD in cuteness who begged for a living
- Smokey- An adopted pariah, who traded his brains for his grand tail. His brains being unused fetched a higher value, so God threw in a musk gland to make the deal smell sweet.
- Other characters will be introduced as the story progresses
All grew up - adults as parents, child into an adult , Boomer begged better and Smokey stole stealthier. Days, seasons were filled with joyous dramas
Timeline
- 2020- Boards - A word often uttered, decibels doubled . He always read books , in the bath and bed . Now he read off a small hand held flattened brick ( from now on it will be referred to as f&ck, acronym of first and last 2 alphabets of the 2words, I am a stone ; I don’t swear). Glasses were fitted on the boy’s face.
- Virus-Someone I could not see but always spoken of with fear. Virus visited and the boy stopped going to school but the adults just went on about their business. He used different forms of f&ck ,more and more , every waking minute that my laterite pores sweated.
- Mock tests- The results of these only caused melodrama followed by grief in ALL. The first reaction was to blame the things one can’t change- Indian education system, entrance exams ,coaching institutes ineptitude, bad teachers, tough syllabus, futility of all things academic . What even a stone could see the six senses of the humans failed to pick up.
- September 2021-A father’s instinct finally spotted the ripples . Sleeping during classes, dropping grades . The f&ck causing the ripples was finally found . The process of anger, denial and acceptance still reverberates in my pores. The gore was too much even for a stone. The Zen Admiral was tried and executed at the altar of madness.
The Drama unfolds
The lady wore her Mom “psychotic cape” , “blinding anger” goggles, “whimper to all about son “mouthpiece” and re hitched the boy with an umbilical cord, cut 17 years ago.
The F&ck was to be used only under supervision. American Uncle Sam (Sanket in this case)set up parental controls . The lady positioned a chair next to the boy’s and attended all classes on the F&ck. She was his bench mate now. Inseparable in time, place & person; mom son duo were a hot mess
Priest to psychiatrist, grandparents to grand aunts, all were consulted to rid off the evil F&ck.
Boomer was bribed egregiously for his speed dial connections with God. Smokey too got his share for his underworld connections
Help came from all quarters.
Twice removed cousin shined the beacon of JEE hope. She was first responder for JEE SOS which included- JEE ref books, difficult chapters, difficulty in chapters, bad shit topics, do not attempt topics ….
A senior colleague gave a new perspective to the problem. If an adult can't stay off these dopamine rewarding f*ck devices, how the hell do hormone mangled teens fight off this temptation. This help rid the guilt and self flagellation that the lady would lapse into at the drop of a hat.
Every morning all huddled into a car and came back at sundown. At night they slept in a tight huddle and fought for headspace, bed space , blankets . All rooms were stacked with books. The kitchen rarely lighted up but they devoured books on the dining table. The cars complained that happy conversations were replaced by calculus, organic chemistry, rotation and collisions. The kilometers to hospital and back were filled with online classes and chemistry theory. Even the cars were exhausted. Every waking moment the boy was buried in his books. They kept saying “catching up”.
I am engineered by an IITian to be earthquake resistant upto 4 Richters , but resistance to JEE turmoil was not factored in.
Most days were gloomy. I waited for a new year and some new hope
2022-Things began to turn around .Guitar breaks filled Modakam with music. Laughter haltingly seeped in. My pores heaved a huge sigh of relief .
The lady signed up for the Zen order. Enlisted as a Zen cadet, she crawled her way up to Zen lieutenant. The ranks were earned by keeping calm in the storm of bad mock tests results, not rushing the Zen Admiral’s food and bath deliberations, calculation errors costing negative marks. From “bare and bite “ she progressed to “Breathe and bear” mantra.
.
Some light moments…
Boomer- His ability to dig his snout in the worst stink earned him the organic chemistry Professor position
Smokey - never missed a catch. His mechanics and kinematic knowledge conferred the title of Physics Professor.
Rabbits- The only animals who are good at maths in the Modakam Menagerie because they could 'multiply '.
The boy offered his obeisance to the animal professors before mocks and exams for success in the respective subjects
The boy scored a whooping 100 percentile in one exam and they attributed it to Smokey. The madness ran deep
Business models developed during dull days
1. Boomer dating services-Girls are few in engg colleges
Girls like dogs
Girls will bring treats for the dog. All biscuits above the Parle G genre will be equally shared between B & A
Boys walking dogs will instantly win girls attention and will lead to a conversation and maybe end in a date. The compensation will be paid by doing chores for Adi
Boomer with his bags packed, tux worn, sprayed his best stink and was ready to go to the hostel from the day the business model was discussed with him
2. Rahu & Ketu dosha relief services
Feeding a black dog relives one of R& K doshas. We will liaison with the shelter houses and feed black dogs for a small convenience fee
3. Shani alias Sade sati relief services
On the same lines as described above.
Feed black cows on Saturdays
The only difference being all the plastic eating stray highway black cows now will now get good food
4 Cute coins
A crypto currency similar to Bitcoins. The details have to be worked out as they still did not know how the system works.
Some poetic moments
Late into a night , deep in the JEE merde the boy lilted,
The paper is like my mind;
Empty and cluttered at the same time
Some enlightening moments
If help is asked; then you get what you ask for
If help is perceived and then provided, then that help crushes the helped
The concerned parents trying to help teenager and not knowing where to stop , churned these pearls of wisdom
JEE joke
A Maths teacher who talks too much - hyperbola . Only JEE aspirants and their moms would find this funny
Red carpet rolled out for Bleu Cordon-
The hundred folds of a toque represent 100 ways to cook an egg -The only respite from books for the boy was his culinary skills with eggs. The fowl friends not tolerating this foul play with the poor kid, kept up the steady supply of eggs and the boy was on his way to the blue ribbon
Most days were good but some days….
The F&ck raised it’s ugly head with every new update . Guilt and fury curry served no one good
They studied for the wrong Board exam and. almost missed answering one. Frantic phone calls to unsuspecting friends to confirm exams timetable was really stupid even for a stone to watch
They overlooked mock tests dates and 1 day the boy answered 4 exams stretching straight to 12 hours in a 24 hour period-10:30an-1:30pm;2:30-5:30pm; 8-11pm ;11:30pm -2:30am. It felt like the Battlenight of Pavan Khind. The boy like Sardar Baji Prabhu Deshpande, fought the long lonely fight with the questions with his pentonic pen late into the night (Disclosure-no paid collaboration here). But he stood his ground and held fort and lived to tell the tale.
The man watched all “JEE” click bits . Study Plans were drawn, redrawn , revised , readdressed . Bad English speaking super teachers dramatic vocalisations of “ Dear shstudents” resounded in the Modakam- special JEE edition walls.
The lady always searched for “ how to get better at calculus/conics/complex numbers and so on….” Quora feeds ran crazy
Neighbours , friends, villagers , fellow colleagues brought in pooja prasad and blessings for the boy and the family’s success in exams
Time, patience, practice, prayers did bring in the results.
I am a stone and have no feelings . The above narrative is a complete unmodified account as witnessed by a weathered wised up stone.
Yours truly,
Laterite row 19 ,NE wall
Modakam
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