Dharamshala-Call of the Hills

One more of my fictitious birthdays that Amol is made to plan and execute to perfect celebrations was this trip to Amritsar and Dharamshala. It helped as the "Border-Gavaskar trophy" was to be played at the highest cricket grounds in the world at Dharamshala. Apparently there is many a slip between Mahaldar holiday plans and BCCI ground realties. The match moved to Indore over poor ground conditions but opened up five divine days of holidays for the Mahaldars

My birthday dinner was the Langar at the Golden temple. A bit of flashback here. Circa 2011,while I battled with my DM residency, long distance parenting, spurned spouse, externship in AIIMS roles, an Aamir Khan tear jerker movie called Taare Zameen Par hit me hard. I was convinced my preschool baby was definitely dyslexic. I wanted Amol to have him evaluated. Now I can count on my fingers of 1 hand , the things Amol has refused me till now and this was one of them. In this background Amol n me visited the Golden temple and in my mind I thought that if all turns out well with Adi and he reaches academic excellence, we will all make a trip back here. I did not voice this out to anyone lest it got jinxed. A good 12 years later, Adi in IIT, Amol unaware of my golden vow planned this trip. Universe always conspires to have our deepest desires fulfilled

The airBnB overlooking the temple helped us catch the Amrit Vela kirtan at the Golden temple . Crowds at wee hours in the morning, dawn at the temple to the chants of " Ik Onkar Satnam" (AR Rehman immortalised it in Rang de Basanti for the non Sikh folks) and "Karah Prasad" rich in ghee made the experience surreal.

A quick visit to Jalianwala Bhag in the morning, Amritsari lassi and Kulcha chole, shopping also factored in completed our Amritsari leg of our holiday.We thought the rest of the trip would be gastronomically this satisfying but I was mistaken on 2 counts. I came down with a stomach bug which later caught up with Adi too and we had more cyclopams than momos on the trip.And the blessed Amritsari kulche's taste apparently stays within the 10 km radius of the city. We tried Kulche at dhaba, fancy restaurant, roadside cafe, inhouse airBnB kitchen but were left wanting. I could do this 3000km trip again just to have the roadside butter doused kulcha chole at the railway station road. A road trip to Dharamsala in a car with only 2 seatbelts for 4 passengers had me anxious throughout. Our driver Mr Sonuji, as unique as the Amritsari kulche tried to assuage my fears but of no avail. But it was more than compensated with the yellow mustard blooms providing the back drop for DDLJ poses.

Amol quipped that if non availabilty of the seat belts was the only thing to complain about the entire trip, then we have indeed had a wondeful one.

Our airBnB in Dharamasala, Guleria villa was a sprawling mansion with an inhouse waterfall, swimming pool( after my Nashik hypothermia induced near death experience I vowed off non temperature controlled pools), view of the snow peaks from every nook, window, manned by nice caretakers. Adi set up his "just out of packaging" Apple Macbook Pro in the balcony overlooking the Dhauladar ranges "because he could",but what transpired was he obviously forgot to get it back in while we went out for dinner, and it had to obviously rain, and obviously with Adi's Buddha like calmness he casually slipped it in mid conversation and it obviously evoked an inversely proportional opposite reaction from us,our caretaker had to breakin to rescue "precious" and calm our frayed nerves over the frantic phone call that "sirf boonda boondi tha"

Day 1 - cycling around the Dhauladhar ranges with a part time techie, full time guide was the perfect way to break into this lovely landscape. MTB, steep upslopes covered in the lowest gears, heart rate at the highest , more vultures on 1 tree than I had seen in my entire life time,pinecone fir trees, village roads, Kendriya vidyalya kids singing the prayer song so out of tune, lots of photos, home made poha were the highlights of our cycling trip

Gyoto monastery, full of boy monks, scriptures and mobiles competing for the monks attention, big Bhuddha. Spicy Thupka made worse by adding more chilly sauce at the behest of a friendly Tibetan in the cafe did no good to my inflamed bowels.

Norbulingka institute showcasing some of the finest artwork of the Tibetan culture, another big Bhuddha - A medicine Bhuddha holding a bowl of herbs , life size paintings of Buddhist teachings and beliefs, a cafe that thankfully served soothing food like pastries and pies. I also bought silver prayer wheel earrings and felt one with the surroundings. Shopping meets Spirituality. My misplaced phyto enthusiam landed me into voluntarily picking out stinging nettles aka "bichua patti" . It burns like the sting of a scorpion and the more I yelped , the other doctor , Dr Amol gave me "gyan" rather than an antidote. After some time the poison and me numbed out.

Google your trip on the go had us undertake a long windy drive to Masror rockcut temple built in Nagara style architechture dedicated to Shiva n family, Vishnu and family . It is picturesque to say the least and the fact that it has withstood the ravages of nature and tourism speaks a lot about this place.

Another long drive later (distances are short but the hilly roads take an awful long time) we reached Kangra fort to have the gates shut on our faces. Tired boys and still enthu for photos me, makes a lethal combo . I quietly snuck in and the boys had no excuse but to follow. What followed was non cooperation movement launched jointly by the boys for photos. Precious golden hour minutes were wasted in arguments. The fort had endured many battles. Originally built by the Katoch Rajputs ,it changed multiple hands, namely the Mughals, Sikhs,Gurkhas and like all things Indian ,finally landed with the British. Now the mute walls witnesses wedding shoots, music shoots and the Mahaldar skirmish too.Lots of photos later (They finally relented and Amol uses a pic clcked here as his dp still) and having thoroughly exhaused the boys we called it a day

Day 2- Trek to Triund. 10 years ago Amol n me scaled the Himalyas from Manali. I always wanted to experience this with my son. The stomach bug got the better of Adi. Amol enthusiasm to trek and the love for his wife quickly ebbed by the time we reached Bhagsu Nag. Amol parked himself at the base camp citing spiritual pursuits from the Bhuddhist chants that echoed from Mcleodgunj below. Adi climbed up inspite of the stomach bug but was quick to shoot down my future trek plans (I had done 1 with spouse, 1 with son and I wished to do 1 with my grandchildren) Rhododendrons that look like roses on trees, the sweet air of the mountains,cute mountain goats, some rowdy ones too, mules that carry gas cylinders and other burden causing a traffic jam on the hills, dogs that follow trekkers to the summit in the hope of some tidbits and do it effortlessly over and over again, colourful houses of Mcleodgunj on one side and the snow peaked Dhauladhar ranges on the other makes the 10 km trek worthwhile.

It is also a lot more fun to tell fellow trekkers that they have a long way to go while we have almost descended. The thing about treks is that we suffer while climbing but reminisce them fondly once we get back home. The sweat of efforts is quickly dried by the sweet mointain air. The moments of exhaustion are flossed over by the beautiful pictures (which I like to review over n over again) We celebtrated our scaling the summit with a Cadbury silk like brand ambassadors of Modelez Intl

Amol got stung here by the same nettle sister leaves and this time I felt happy at this revenge of the sisterhood . After reuniting with Amol and garam Dal chawal, we saw the Namgyal monastery, the residence of THe Dalai LAma. The monasteries are full of boy monks that it is hard to believe there are any lady Tibetans. It is sad to see a generation of refugees who will never know their motherland. Amol always says it is better to die in ones own motherland than live a refugee. I thought it was too radical till now.

Day 3- The boys wanted a non activity day and I coulnot have agreed more.

We walked to a Shiva temple by the river and visited the war memorial and tea gardens in the evening. The roads were lined by wild peach trees in full white blossom that they look like they have caught all the falling stars in their branches.

We happenstanced into a Aghanjar Mahadev Temple . Lord Shiva is supposed to have blessed Arjun with the Gandhiva and wished him luck in the war.An eternal fire burning over a hundred years and a Gupt Shivaling under a huge boulder where we had to crawl in to enter but once in we could sit and pray.,We also braved one last round of momos with the last remaining tablet of cyclopam and with that we bid goodbye to Dharamshala, holidays, Adi and Amritsar in that order and boarded our respective flights out of Amritsar.

Nashik Nephrology Nutrition by Mrs. Nephrology

 Nashik is a holy city surrounded by 9 hills(nav shikar).

River Godavari originates here and blessed is this city with no traffic jam. Vehicles flow as smooth as the waters of Mama Godavari 

Lord Ram laid his fathers King Dashrath ashes here in Ram kund. That gives us reason to pollute the Godavari ghat with holy refuse of flowers, lamp wicks, mud lamps ( a man was drowning his loved one’s plastic spectacle case

 Panchavati along Godavari is dotted with temples that devotees are spoiled for choice. And insta lovers for gram worthy pictures. Amol did flex his photography muscles and the clear winter blue skies lent the photos a quality that dirty reality could not betray 

Naroshankar and Kapaleshwar were some that we visited 

Divine Spouses and children were also covered

Pagdi Ganba 

 

Karthik Swamy temple by the Nattukottai Chettiyars- we happenstanced to visit this temple drawn mainly by the Tamil inscriptions and we lucked out with Lovely Prasadam in the form of masala rice , sundal and panchamrudham

Hanuman in various sizes stood guard along the ghat

KalaRam- Black stone idols of Ramayana trio and their faithful Hanuman in a magnificent black edifice. The loud crowds outside and the peaceful and serene inside is stark and striking.This black temple sucks all the negativity and we left the place reenergised 

Kala Ram’s Kala Hanuman 

GoraRam- A teakwood marvel that houses the holy quartet in white marble and hence the name

Sita Gupha - crazy queues for an underground tunnel that sheltered Sita from danger while her men went hunting and gathering. she got abducted by Ravan here and Amol refused to let me go shopping alone citing this 7000 years ago saga of wife disregarding husband’s plea. Well I gave in and dragged my feet back to Hotel Express Inn. 

Hotel Express Inn is this big hotel with a skywalk and a spirited capsule lift that never reaches the destination floor.

It also has an open air swimming pool with icy waters. When asked the pool attendant why was the pool not temperature controlled, his pan faced answer was to write it in the suggestion book. Also when asked who can swim in this ice bucket challenge like waters , his answer was simple. People who know to swim. 

This was enough to egg me on while Amol stretched on the pool deck quoting there is no shame in quitting. I swam if only to prove a point to Mr panfaced potbellied pool attendant because the minute he was adequately impressed with my “swimming” I hoisted myself out of the pool on my hands gracefully with a jump. He was still watching. 

What followed after being underwater in single digit degrees Celsius temperatures and next 30 minutes was cyanosis, hypothermia, shivering and a real threat of rhabdomyolysi and hyperkalemic cardiac arrest, Amol’s repeated “I told you so” 

Sarafa

To recover from this near death experience I did Sarafa- Old jewellery bazaar of Nashik where I indulged in retail therapy and Amol indulged me and Tibetan market- A Kannada speaking salesman sold me a Chinese puffer jacket in a Tibetan stall. And the Alibaba Chinese food stall served noodles in large portions to resemble the nav shikhars of Nashik. 2 adults and 7 hungry yet sceptical street dogs just about managed to finish 1 special Alibaba noodles.

Pandavleni caves- Early morning walk up 205 stairs amply rewarded by the cool mountain air and picturesque views of the city. The caves are a treasure and well maintained .

Jain mandir- sandstone wonder

The Jain Mandir - A 5 km walk on the expressway and a sandstone chiseled beauty, ornate, detailed Shwetambar Jain Mandir treat awaits us. They are very prickly about photography so this serene place can only be experienced 

Scene 2- Nephrology act 1

Disclaimer- I am a Cardiac Anesthesiologist with special interest in Nephrology and in a Nephrologist 

A senior Nephrologist Dr Bharat Shah said meetings are more of family gatherings in the garb of academics. And Nephrology tribe are academic domestics. They mix both well , care for both with equal elan and families of nephrologist are always well turned out. Post Covid there was a lot of catching up to do- nephrology and otherwise. 

SRNMCON 2023 was hosted by Dr Chafekar, propelled by the SGPGI show of strength for late Dr Anita Saxena, and the academic brilliance of all the Nephrology biggies. Dr Chafekar had an event of this scale organised to the T just like him, always well turned out in his crisp suits. Ably complemented by lovely Madam Chafekar whose hospitality was larger than her farm house where she hosted 50 delegates impromptu and impeccably. Nashik’s chill, Maharashtra cultural dances, toasty bon fires, delegates dance performances will be fondly remembered in Nephro nutrition circles 

Trimbakeshwar visit- 

One of the 12 jyotirlings and a must visit. It was supposed to be enabled by the local organisers but miscommunication and unpreparedness for the crazy crowds that our populous country can churn up on Sankranti day had 14 delegates stranded in various degrees of “anger to helplessness” spectrum. With the setting sun our hopes dimmed Dr Shrimati pulled a miracle that night and all of us had Darshan of the Mahadev. A mumma nephrology, a senior citizen touched Dr Shrimati’s feet for her feat. It was magical, divine, humbling all at once- Just like Nashik 

Trimbakeshwar by the day

The night of a miracle 

Unhooking

 “As hard it is to raise them, it is harder to let go”  said Twinkle Khanna about parenting 

So true

I bid Adi goodbye on 30 October 22. The next 30 days I have been an emotional wreck. I devoured literature on how to fill my empty nest, self help books to combat anxiety 

Phone calls lasted at least for an hour till Adi complained I am eating into his study time. I am sure it is just to get me off his back that he has resorted to key words like studying, seminars, submissions. 

Two months down- 3 upper respiratory infection and 2 cycle falls resulting in 2 torn shirts- distressed denims for real, bald patch on the scalp, a badly done crew cut to compensate, scars on the wrists and elbows and a cycle that looks frozen in a funny yoga pose. 

Technically in a Technical institute but mine looks like in cadet in the Defence Academy down to the sunburn, grime and uniform ( denim on denim as distressed as denim can get in every video call and visit)

After Karan Johar made K3G, every Indian mom has imagined family reunions with helicopter whirring, SRK long double breasted jacket flapping, Jaya Bhaduri’s heavily sequinned saree fluttering. I am no exception 

Reality check- Parents annoyed by waking up at 3 am for a 60 minutes ride to catch the son before he runs off for class and the ward not woken up completely and hence not in best behaviour. A hug if lucky and a smile if time permits. 

Long distance parenting sucks. I shoot 3 questions a minute and Adi doesn’t like to be rushed. End result- Love all -mostly the Tennis kinds

The umbilical cord was never cut. Now it has just been stretched 600kms along the west coast. Unhooking is my new responsibility, and I will get there gradually one deep breath at a time.

 

Doctors as ‘Board parents’

 

Doctors children have a statistically higher likelihood of turning into successful and productive members of the society. I am yet to come across an article, forget a study,  that describes the anguish of doctor parents before they launch their children in this so called successful orbit.

From the time man left the cave and started to live in civilised societies, family structure has varied greatly and in some ways been the same. Hunter became breadwinner and gatherer became homemaker in the current times. But Doctors are a different tribe. Doctor couple parents have seamless borders in both professional and homemaking departments. When the lady of the house is on duty the man fills in without hesitation. And when the man takes a sabbatical, the lady runs the family without anyone feeling the crunch. What transpires between these role reversals is one of those Ekta Kapoor's K series drama, but that is for another day.  

 Parenting is a full time job. So essentially we work 3 jobs at once.

 Doctor, Spouse and homemaker, Parent 

One spouse easily fills in for each other as much as sanity and strength in the sinews allows to keep the wheels of this 3 wheeler vehicle running smooth.

Doctors study diseases . Corollary to this should be that Doctors should be free of pathos. Our patients view us from this maxim. We need to be available for them as empathetic humanoid Doctors without need for food ,sleep or even pee breaks ALL the time.

We sign up  for love and friendship for eternity, not for internship rotation posting in each department for  6 months . But marriage lands us in one dull department of housekeeping, kitchen and transport for perpetuity.

Parents decide to have children , so they might as well work hard at it : think the children.

Self love- A new concept to keep ones happiness pot full to spread cheer around

We get no discount from any of the 3 bosses for the taxing jobs we keep. This self love just makes our guilt pot full.

Most doctor couples get by , face different challenges posed by our 3 bosses with the same bravado that we possessed when we showed up for our anatomy to surgery vivas. Just when we think we are getting better at steering this 3 wheeler smoothly the child turns teen.

Hormone and academics don’t mix well . We have gone through it, studied it and vowed that we will make it easy for our child. Society is watching us. Judging their succesful respectable peers . Can we replicate superior academic accolades  in our children? Giving into pressure is not our style. We just work harder.

Indian academic calendar from 10 standard board exams till getting into 1 year of college is so hectic that medical college rigors feel like a refreshing spa. Each year 10 lakh students answer board exams.

Lines blur, most of us are looking for a Chaurasia or a Cunningham of parenting teens 

Parents should be friendly not friends. Child will open up to friendly parents. What we end up is sharing  like friends and letting out information that can and will be used against us, when it hurts the most.

 When authoritative parenting becomes Authoritarian no one knows. Plus, giving up the authority, wisdom, and experience that comes with being a parent in order to be liked by your kids makes it difficult to raise healthy and competent kids

We come to a head when the choice needs to be made.

Choose the boss-career/housekeeping and spouse/child

   And no one has it all or gets it right. We just go through the motions. There are as many doctor couples who chose permissive parenting over authoritative parenting. Robert Frost to be quoted, “The road though as for that the passing there, had worn them really about the same.”

   Doctors put their careers on hold for the 2 + years and channel all their energies into cracking the academic behemoth. Some move closer to better institutes to maximize chances of better results while minimizing all avenues for adult sanity as distance from comfort zone and home increases. Self love is just a myth now. We relive our boards experience and are left wondering if it is worth it. All Doctors can vouch for peace and quiet only in their OPD or OT (in my case). We give it up in the name of Board Parenting. Child care leave granted for the government Doctors is diligently availed and utilised. Others  work around this too.” Take your child to work”, was our modus operandi.  

    Having done professional courses ourselves we set ourselves on the path of action replay, only this time 3 decades later. Late nights, long hours on the desk, mugs of Maggi and coffee indulgences all become part of the “accompany the child while he studies” regime. Our social circle expands to parents who have gone through this before. All help and every help is sought . Eat healthy, Exercise to keep mind sharp and look good when you eventually land in college, Drink lots of water are advice we dole out in copious amounts to be met with equivalent disgust from the exam going party. Internet and electronic device policing turns us from Amma Daddy to Fallen Angels  and finding nefarious activities from Doctors to Detectives. Spiritual , Grandparental , Psychiatric help buckles before the joys of world wide web for the child. All we have in defence of our excesses is the lame ,”you will know when you have a child of your own”     

   There are numerous helplines for children and career counselling. No one to address the angst of a Doctor parent who wants to just be good at all 3 jobs. When a Doctor parents child does well it is just a line in the news paper and a under –the- breath mumbling of the child at congratulatory events. If you read in between the lines there are tomes of unread pages of grit, grime , guilt. \

    This article is my tribute to all the Doctor couples before us and after us who choose this path of Board parenting. My heart goes out to all of us. We have run the 1000 days marathon , all the while saving lives, posting happy Facebook pictures and making memories sometimes too scared to share. My gratitude to the help that always streamed in when in a tight spot.